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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28004868">Skeletons in the Closet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerbeomie/pseuds/tigerbeomie'>tigerbeomie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cravity (Band), DRIPPIN (Korea Band), X1 (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Fear of Relationships, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, K-pop Industry, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, One-Sided Attraction, Post-Disbandment X1, emotional cheating, non-au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:53:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28004868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerbeomie/pseuds/tigerbeomie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(The story if Cha Junho was the story teller.)</p><p>Junho feels too old but simultaneously feels too young at the same time. Alex looks at him with those big eyes and asks in that slightly accented Korean of his.</p><p>“Hyung? Is there something on your mind?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cha Junho/Kang Minhee, Cha Junho/Kim Minseo, Hwang Yunseong/Lee Hyeop, Joo Changuk/Kim Dongyun, Kang Minhee/Song Hyeongjun, Mentioned Han Seungwoo/Kang Seungsik - Relationship, Mentioned Han Seungwoo/Kim Yohan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>38</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Skeletons in the Closet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Below is a playlist you can check out if you are interested. The songs don't have to be played in a specific order (or played at all), these are just songs that inspired me while writing this piece.</p><p>Thanks (Chinese Version) - JUN (Seventeen)<br/>skeletons - keshi<br/>Play Date (Music Box Cover) - Melanie Martinez<br/>cardigan - Taylor Swift<br/>MAGO - Gfriend</p><p>This piece has not been betaed - all the mistakes are my own.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At one point the colourful lights and the cheers became a haunting spotlight and cries of agony for him. It shouldn’t have happened so easily, he reflects. He shouldn't have become so jaded so early, because now that he’s staring at the flaws of his own life and the flaws of the industry and <em> holy </em>how is he supposed to breathe now? How is he supposed to go on without collapsing in on himself? How is he supposed to do this?</p><p> </p><p>The red light of the camera turns on.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles and starts talking like he usually does.</p><p> </p><p>(He’s scared that he won’t recognize himself anymore.)</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Junho lies face down on the pillow while Hyeop is cooking something up in the kitchen, Dongyun and Alex are fighting to use the washroom, Minseo is attempting to be helpful for Hyeop, Yunseong is pulling the laundry out of the dryer, Changuk is holding Alex back while Dongyun runs into the washroom.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Minseo has dreams. Minseo dreams that he falls off the stage during the audition. Minseo dreams that Kang Hyeonsu gets first place in the Swalla team. Minseo dreams that X1 will disband. That’s why Junho doesn’t cry when they check the news and the headline that announces the end. Dongpyo curls into Eunsang’s side, Hyeongjun launches himself into Yohan’s arms, Dohyon sobs with Seungyoun and Hangyul on either of his sides. However Junho is silent, Minhee looks at him with tears brimming his eyes. Junho just brings Minhee’s head down to his shoulder so he can cry without anyone seeing him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Junho calls Yunseong and tells him the news in the dead of night when the younger ones (weird because to Seungwoo he’s part of the maknae line) have cried themselves to sleep. He suspects that at least Seungwoo, Seungyoun, and Wooseok are awake somewhere talking extensively on what to do - perhaps even Hangyul too if he’s not too busy making sure Dohyon won’t wake up sobbing. He suspects that Minhee is pretending to be asleep when he slips out of the room. However, Minhee’s breathing remains even. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yunseong asks him if there’s something he can do. Junho considers it and shakes his head, then has to say no because he realizes he’s not sitting in front of Yunseong right now and he can’t see Junho nodding or shaking his head at all. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The next day though he gets a call from Minseo. Junho tells him not to be sorry. Minseo will feel sorry anyways, Junho knows this. However, he also knows that the other boys won’t let him be melancholy for long. Hyeop will cook him something warm for his belly and Yunseong will tease him before he hugs him tight. Dongyun will play silly games with him until he smiles, and Changuk will sit with him until he feels less lonely on the inside. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When Junho moves back to the Woollim dorms, unsurprisingly, the boys do each of these things for him too. It still touches Junho’s heart though. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Junho finally cries. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Minseo sits on the floor with Junho as Junho rambles on about how exhilarating it was to be able to stand on stage again. Junho registers briefly that he’s probably getting a little out of hand, but Minseo is still looking at him with that beautiful, steady, even smile. Minseo puts his hand on top of Junho’s own, encouraging to talk some more. Junho does, feels comfortable to just say whatever’s on his mind. Minseo laughs and Minseo smiles. Junho keeps talking.</p><p> </p><p>Junho wants to capture Minseo’s entire essence in a bottle and bring it around with him so he’ll never be without Minseo.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>When he tells the director that he’s scared of how time can be so giving and so cruel at the same time, he doesn’t know that the director will put on his shoulders the door that will either free or entrap him.</p><p> </p><p>He wants to live, he wants to conquer his fear.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>He gets a call from Hyeongjun.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Minhee smiles as he kisses him, both of them with the blankets over their heads. The only light is from the full moon leaking through the windows. Hyeongjun’s soft snoring fills the room and covers their small giggles. Minhee has a hand on his cheek, Junho’s own hand is over Minhee’s chest. He can barely hold back his smile.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> They haven’t said anything about their relationship to the other boys, but at this point they know some of the other boys have noticed it. Spotted the way Minhee looks so fondly upon Junho, the way Junho’s eyes search for Minhee’s figure in the crowd. Junho could spend time wondering and trying to figure out who knows, but Junho also isn’t really interested. Junho doesn’t really care as he brushes his nose against Minhee’s own gently. He can feel Minhee’s heartbeat under his palm and he feels centred.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I know you were in love with Minhee. That it was love between you two.”</p><p> </p><p>Junho grips the phone. He knows that Dongyun and Alex probably are listening with their ears pressed to the outside of the door that Junho’s shut himself in. Dongyun is listening out of curiosity and Alex is listening because of worry. Because Alex is worried, Dongyun will fret too, and Changuk will end up there as well, and because there are now three worried boys outside the room, Minseo will get nervous as well and try to listen. Hyeop will give him privacy, Yunseong too - but they will worry in their own way. That’s just how they are. It’s because they care for him, and that’s why Junho can’t bring himself to be mad. Not one bit.</p><p> </p><p>He needs them more than he could ever say with words.</p><p> </p><p>Junho replies, “But you love him too. And that matters too.”</p><p> </p><p>When he hangs up after consoling Hyeongjun from his tears, Junho feels like he wants to cry too.</p><p> </p><p>Alex barges through the door and soon he’s surrounded by the warmth of the six other boys he lives with, and for a singular moment he thinks he can deal with it. He can work through it.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Eyes on the red light, Cha Junho. It’s not scary, that light.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>It’s taken a while for Junho to hit his stride, he knows that. He was comfortable in his own skin, it just takes him a little to warm up to others is all.</p><p> </p><p>Minseo sits beside him, offers him a water bottle. Their fingers brush. Junho’s heart speeds up. Minseo looks at him with those beautiful eyes that seem to hold all the stars in them, Junho can’t help but fall in. Minseo leans against his shoulder and a part of Junho knows it’s because he knows that Junho needs physical touch to stay grounded.</p><p> </p><p>Another part of him hopes it’s because of something else.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Junho can’t sleep. He keeps tossing and turning in bed and he’s worried one of the hyungs will wake up and tell him to go to sleep but he can’t, not at all. He can still see Minseo and Moonjun’s faces in his mind's eye. Minseo with his kind smile, telling him to work hard. Moonjun and his steady hand on his back. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> However that’s not what haunts him, what haunts him is Dongyun’s face. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> However perhaps the things that haunt him don’t compare to the reality that faces him. Changuk closes the door to the washroom and does not come out for hours. All the Produce hyungs didn’t know what to do, and it took both the combined efforts of Yunseong and Junho to convince him to come out. Even then, Yunseong had to drag him out and Junho had to shoo people away from peeking too much at Changuk’s hunched figure. All the height that Changuk had was gone. He looked so small. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Junho seems to pick up one of Minseo’s habits, because that night he dreams of Dongyun and he dreams of Changuk. But even though it is a dream, it is more like flashes of multiple memories. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Changuk and Dongyun holding hands as they enter the building. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Changuk and Dongyun kiss in the far corner of the dorms while all the other boys pretend they cannot see because this is the only place that they can show the depth of their affection without getting hurt by the rest of the world. This is the only place where they can be in love without judgement or fear. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Changuk and Dongyun’s hearts meet in the same place again and again and again. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> When the producers ask him the next morning about Dongyun, he can only say what is on his mind. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “What do I do? I can’t stop crying when I think of him.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>More often than not people say things they really don’t mean. Junho stares out the window and is suddenly reminded of Seungwoo’s balanced demeanor, never dipping into scary lows, but never letting himself truly experience true euphoria. Seungwoo is like rain during a sunny day - sad but beautiful. Everyone will peek out the window to see this phenomena and he’ll catch the attention of others. However, it’s not truly a sunny day, and not truly a thunderstorm. A weird equilibrium made of the innate desire to make sure everyone is alright. That’s why they all ended up voting him as the leader of X1 anyways. They believed that he could handle it.</p><p> </p><p>Junho feels bad that he had to shoulder their rise and fall from grace in such a short time. However, no one else in the group could truly take it as elegantly as Han Seungwoo did.</p><p> </p><p>People said things to dig into Seungwoo’s skin, things they didn’t mean but they said them anyway. To all of them, they sent messages and threw insults and then moved on with their lives while they had to deal with the aftermath.</p><p> </p><p>More often than not people say things they really don’t mean, but not Seungwoo. Seungwoo was always genuine and kind. Seungwoo always meant it when he said he loved them.</p><p> </p><p>Beside him he thinks he hears Dongyun teasing Minseo. Hovering over them was Yunseong and Hyeop, their matching smiles and chuckles filling the air and almost distracting Junho from his thoughts. Yet, Junho still thinks of Seungwoo.</p><p> </p><p>Seungwoo meant it when he was on that phone call with one of his bandmates from Victon. He meant it and he didn’t know that Junho could hear him. However, Junho could.</p><p> </p><p>Alex rests his chin on Junho’s shoulder and he can’t help but reach a hand up to tickle the youngest’s cheek.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I can’t betray you like this, Seungsik-ah.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I know we’ve broken up but I know you still love me.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Yes. I have feelings for him.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “I can’t tell him. I know he looks at me like… Like I hung the stars in the sky, but I can’t be who he wants me to be.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Seungsik… Think about what would do to the team? We’ve just debuted, I can’t be selfish… I really can’t afford to be selfish...” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> A conversation that Junho can only hear one side of but, does he need to hear more? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> - </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Junho sits on the floor doing his homework with Minseo. Dongyun and Alex went off to play some game in one of the rooms, Changuk went down to get more soda from the nearest convenience store. Minseo has his airpods in as he scribbles down some math equations. Junho’s distracted because he’s looking at the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>Hyeop and Yunseong have these smiles on their faces as Yunseong hovers around Hyeop making dinner, a rare night where they can afford the time and luxury of having Hyeop make something. Junho knows that smile. It’s the smile that Seungwoo had when looking at Yohan, however neither of them have the smile that Yohan had for Seungwoo.</p><p> </p><p>A part of Junho is thankful for that.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Changuk and Dongyun fall asleep in the same bed once again. Junho might groan and tease them on the outside, but his heart is genuinely happy for them. Alex teases them too, but his dazzling, wide, happy grin gives it away that he’s not actually serious about any of the things he says.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> For as much as Yohan’s helped him, Junho thinks he has a pretty solid handle on Yohan’s personality. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> First of all, Yohan is pretty impulsive and easy to read. His straightforward nature and honesty is probably something that stems from his athlete past. If you watch his expressions enough, every single thought and feeling can be determined. Junho knows that Yohan needs to be close to others, that he is honest and kind to a fault sometimes. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But Yohan is also oblivious sometimes. Oblivious to a fault. Seungwoo loves him, Junho can see it in his eyes. Junho feels sad for Seungwoo though, because Seungwoo will find out soon that Yohan doesn’t love him the way he thinks he does. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> If Junho were to spell it out, he’d do it like this. Yohan looks at Seungwoo the way a fan would to their idol. Seungwoo looks at Yohan like a lover would. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Junho realizes that intentionality plays a part of everything. Seungwoo’s intentions are pure. He wants to protect X1, wants to protect Victon. Yohan just cares for Seungwoo in general. Seungsik just probably wanted to love Seungwoo. </p><p> </p><p>Yet, intentionality isn’t the whole story. That’s because Seungwoo still hurts himself, Seungsik will probably lay awake wondering why he wasn’t enough, Yohan will still be Yohan.</p><p> </p><p>Junho looks at Hyeop staring at Yunseong’s back. Hyeop is scared of losing his dream and Yunseong is scared of ruining the perfect balance that Drippin has now. They don’t mean to hurt each other, but they are hurting anyways because they worry that everyone around them will hurt if they admit their feelings. Junho isn’t sure how to tell them that it’ll be okay. It’ll be okay if they want to be in love too.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>It’s kind of valiant how everyone around Junho, Minhee, and Hyeongjun try to act normal.</p><p> </p><p>Dongyun jokes around with Jungmo a bit, all with bright smiles. Changuk looks generally cheerful beside Wonjin. Yunseong, Hyeop, and Minseo are chuckling now because Jungmo’s wrapped his arms around Dongyun (expected from how clingy he could get) and Dongyun’s whining. The other Cravity members look amused, their maknae Seongmin is whining at Jungmo to not be so embarrassing. Jungmo emulates a real cat as he purrs and curls up further into Dongyun.</p><p> </p><p>Junho smiles at Minhee and Hyeongjun. Minhee and Hyeongjun look like they want to say something more. Like they have news for him. Junho thinks he knows what they want to say without them saying it. Junho was always observant, at least he tries his best to be. He wants to go up to them to congratulate them, but Alex stops him with a grip on his wrist. Alex looks vaguely upset, Junho is slapped in the face with the knowledge that his fears don’t just belong to him anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Junho pokes Alex’s cheek to make him smile. He later takes him aside and tells him that he’s not bitter or jealous and that Minhee and Hyeongjun are his friends. Alex accepts it, apologizes, and Junho hugs him because he could never really be upset at Alex when all Alex was trying to do was look out for him.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The thing is that Junho figures he was so caught up in himself and Minhee was caught up with making sure Hyeongjun would be okay and they both put their feelings to the side. The difference was that perhaps Minhee thought of the disbandment as irreversible - while Junho hadn’t really even thought of the implications the disbandment would have to their budding relationship.</p><p> </p><p>In hindsight, Minhee was right. He’s usually right about these things. It would have been nice for him to clue Junho in though. Or maybe Junho was just too caught up in the whirlwind of emotions that he had to deal with alone when packing up and moving back to the Woollim dorms. Too caught up in having to field calls from his family, telling them that he’s alright and that he’ll talk to Woollim about maybe taking a bit of time off to visit them. Then the managers told him to go home and get some proper TLC before coming back to the warm arms of the pseudo parents Yunseong and Hyeop.</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps that was the sign that Junho needed to see, that the lack of signs meant that everything was coming to an end.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Junho feels too old but simultaneously feels too young at the same time when he sits in the dorms. Alex looks at him with those big eyes and asks in that slightly accented Korean of his.</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung? Is there something on your mind?”</p><p> </p><p>Junho just wraps both of his arms around their beloved youngest and sighs. When Alex pats his back gently, he feels like everything could be just fine for a moment and he can breathe once more.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Junho can finally admit to himself that perhaps he was jealous of Dongyun and Changuk - he wanted a bond like theirs. Wanted to love someone like the way Dongyun loved Changuk, the way Changuk loved Dongyun. Junho thinks that Minhee loved him. He’s not sure anymore if he loved Minhee the way Dongyun loves Changuk, the way Changuk loves Dongyun. </p><p> </p><p>When he thinks about love, it’s not Kang Minhee’s face that appears in Junho’s mind. It’s sparkling eyes and a voice that whines that he can’t eat spicy things. It’s a boy that dreams about everything and everything he says seems to come true. It’s Kim Minseo. Cha Junho is once again slapped in the face with new knowledge that it’s always been Kim Minseo.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The X1 group chat used to be just Wooseok asking questions that wouldn’t be answered because it was just easier to poke your head in Wooseok’s door and give a response because they used to live together. The group chat used to be Junho just posting random links and sometimes getting a response from the other boys because why talk over a chat room when Junho could just approach Hangyul or something with a funny video and watch the glee overtake his face. Junho could call over Minhee and Hyeongjun easily when he finds a cute puppy video and both Minhee and Hyeongjun would argue who resembled the puppy the most. Hyeongjun and Junho would insist that any maltese videos looked like Minhee, but every other puppy Junho would team up with Minhee to convince Hyeongjun that he looked like them.</p><p> </p><p>The group chat isn’t much more active, but everyone takes the time to reply now, because they don’t live together anymore. You can’t just poke your head into Wooseok’s room to tell him that ‘yes, chicken feet and pizza are okay for dinner tonight.’</p><p> </p><p>Junho finds the picture of a butterfly that he took while shooting for the ‘Shine’ MV. He sends it in the chat.</p><p> </p><p>He gets a private message from Seungwoo.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Seungwoo Hyung</b>
</p><p>I should have said this earlier, but let's talk when you have more time.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Junho looks at Seungwoo’s thinner face. A frown appears as he’s about to nag his own hyung about taking care of his own health. He goes on for a bit, before Seungwoo hushes him. </p><p>“Still our Chajumma, hm?”</p><p> </p><p>Junho can’t help but pout. When he’s around Seungwoo, he feels younger than he really is.</p><p> </p><p>“You were with Minhee, weren’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Oh. Junho can only nod.</p><p> </p><p>Seungwoo sighs, pushes his hair back with one hand as he takes a sip of his water. “I can’t believe none of us realized until Hyeongjun told all of us in person, one by one, that he was with Minhee.”</p><p> </p><p>Junho can’t help but ask, “Then how did you figure it out now to ask?”</p><p> </p><p>“I was just thinking late at night.”</p><p> </p><p>A frown overtakes Junho’s face. Seungwoo never gets enough sleep.</p><p> </p><p>Junho pauses, then decides he’ll ask anyways - even though he knows the answer. “Does anyone else, other than Minhee and Hyeongjun, know?”</p><p> </p><p>“I think Wooseok has figured it out. Once he finds out that we had dinner, he’ll probably make me spill the details or you’ll be asked to go have chicken feet with him. And if Wooseok figures something out, Seungyoun will get a wind of it. And you know what will happen next, won’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Junho nods. He knows. Because if Seungyoun finds out, he’ll definitely tell Hangyul. If Hangyul knows something Dohyon doesn’t? He’ll complain until Hangyul tells him. Dohyon will then tell Eunsang, who will pass it to Dongpyo, who will text Yohan about it using a bunch of codenames because he knows the importance of keeping something like this secret, and Yohan who won’t understand what Dongpyo is saying will text Seungwoo about it. That is how Seungwoo will know all of X1 has heard about it. </p><p> </p><p>Or perhaps if Junho begs Wooseok to never let another soul know, it’ll stop there. Junho knows that Wooseok will never do something to upset Junho on purpose. Right now, Junho can’t decide if he’s fine with everyone else knowing about the fact that he was dating Minhee right under their noses or if he’d like to keep it a secret for just a little while longer. Well, he has time until Wooseok seeks out either him or Seungwoo.</p><p> </p><p>Seungwoo takes another sip of his water before telling Junho to eat his food before it gets cold. Junho listens.</p><p> </p><p>Junho wonders if he’ll ever get to the point where he can openly talk about his relationships with Seungwoo, and Seungwoo can talk about his own with Junho without the both of them looking over their shoulders. Junho wonders if he can ever tell Seungwoo his secrets openly without fear or shame, without relying on unspoken words and shy glances.</p><p> </p><p>When he leaves the restaurant and makes his way back home, he wonders what it would be like if the whole world could love Changuk and Dongyun the way they are.</p><p> </p><p>Junho really does feel too young in his body. Too old but too young at the same time. Too young to understand fully the thoughts washing up on the shores of Seungwoo’s mind, but too old to retreat back into his shell and his world of not knowing again. He wishes Alex was there so he could hug him and feel the sadness roll off his shoulders again.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>When he gets home and Minseo is sitting on the couch waiting for him, Junho wonders if the whole world could ever accept the feelings that he has for Minseo.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “How did you know?” Minhee whispers. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Minseo told me.” Junho mumbles. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “And you believed him?” Minhee looks at him with a sort of look in his eye that Junho can’t place his finger on. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “It would be remiss of me not to listen.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Minseo sleeps on Junho’s shoulder in the waiting room.</p><p> </p><p>Junho watches Yunseong and Hyeop’s strange dance again. He feels bad. He’s part of the reason why they won’t confess their feelings for each other. If Junho had a list for all the reasons why Yunseong or Hyeop won’t confess, it would look something like this.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Reasons Why We (Hyeop and Yunseong) Can’t Be Together</b>
</p>
<ul>
<li>Need to protect Changuk and Dongyun from the harsh eyes of others</li>
<li>Need to protect Junho from the horrors that follow him after the disbandment</li>
<li>Need to protect Alex from the ghosts that haunt him</li>
<li>Need to protect Minseo from himself sometimes</li>
<li>Need to not be selfish for the sake of the group</li>
</ul><p> </p><p>Junho wants them to desperately to throw that stupid list of reasons out the window and then burn it. Changuk and Dongyun will be okay even if Yunseong decides to date Hyeop. Junho is slowly but surely getting over his fears. Alex, despite being the youngest, can stand up to his own ghosts. Minseo is clumsy but he’ll always get up. And they’re not being selfish. Not at all. They deserve to be together after all, they’re soulmates. Junho knows they all have each other’s backs and Hyeop and Yunseong don’t have to carry all of these burdens by themselves, they can share them. Junho wants them to share them, for them to carry the burdens together.</p><p> </p><p>Minseo shifts a bit in his sleep, and Junho can’t help but smile, a burst of love flooding his heart.</p><p> </p><p>If Hyeop ever found out, he’d encourage Junho to speak his mind properly. It’ll make Junho scream because he wants Hyeop to take his own advice when it comes to Yunseong. Junho wants to yell and tell him to confess to Yunseong.</p><p> </p><p>Junho asks Hyeop for advice on his feelings for Minseo. Hyeop gives the advice Junho thought he would. Junho does not scream at Hyeop.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Junho whispers his feelings in the darkness of the practice room that everyone’s left empty, courtesy of Hyeop. Minseo smiles, bright and radiant in a way that dispels all the remaining fear in Junho’s heart.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel the same way. I’ve always felt the same way about you. I was… I was waiting for you, I believed that you would feel the same way I feel about you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve always felt the same way as you.” Junho murmurs.</p><p> </p><p>Minseo looks at him like he's so sure. He looks like as though he knew that Junho would end up by his side. Perhaps he dreamt about it. Maybe Minseo knew Junho's heart better than Junho himself knew it.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>(You are still Cha Junho. You are still the person I fell in love with. We are both going to grow and I will fall in love with you even more.)</p><p> </p><p>The red light turns on.</p><p> </p><p>Junho starts smiling and joking like he always has, this is who he is for now. Minseo’s hand is in his own, and the kind smiling eyes of his brothers are warm as they watch over him.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll grow and get over his fears, maybe he’ll get new ones - but he has people he loves with him, so he’s not scared.</p><p> </p><p>No, Cha Junho isn’t scared of the future at all. He won’t collapse, he can do this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>In no particular order:<br/>[1] I believe Sungjun left Woollim before the disbandment due to Tag (from Golden Child) not mentioning him (but mentioning the rest of the Woollim Rookies) in his ‘Thanks To’ section on their album released in January 2020. That is why he is not mentioned. Also I know Moon Junho’s name, I just really wanted to use ‘Moonjun.’</p><p>[2] Minseo really did dream of both him falling off the stage during Produce X 101 and Kang Hyeonsu winning first place in the Swalla stage. There is another wonderful Junho/Minseo fic called future dreamland by hellodeer that I recommend if you want to read more about their dynamic. It is that fic that inspired me to mention the dreams in this piece.</p><p>[3] The emotional cheating in this piece was always meant to not be explicit or blatantly in your face. It’s easy to write as one character as the ‘bad guy’ and for another to be the ‘good guy’ however, life is rarely so black and white. Both Junho and Minhee were suffering and maybe it was wrong for Minhee to start a relationship with Hyeongjun when he hadn’t officially called it off with Junho - but Junho was always in love with Minseo even before that (even when he was with Minhee).</p><p>[4] I’ve always been fascinated by non-linear narratives and storytelling. I wanted to challenge myself with this piece. I also wanted to play a little with the concept of a vaguely unreliable narrator. Junho - for the most part - is a pretty reliable narrator. The reason why he is unreliable is because he doesn’t know himself as well as he thinks as does.</p><p>[5] How many “skeletons” can you count are in this piece? How many "skeletons" haven't been uncovered? I keep wondering if I should write another chapter. </p><p>[6] Thank you for reading this piece, I really do appreciate every kudo or comment that is given.</p><p>[7] You can find me on twitter <a href="https://twitter.com/foolforjoo">@foolforjoo</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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